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| Club Fun Page |
This page is for jokes, cartoons and other humorous items that you would
like to share. Hopefully this page will help to lift your spirits when you are
down and put a smile on your face when you are sad. If you have something
you would like to share in this page send it to First Speaker Crazy Coyote in
an email and I will get it posted. In the subject line please put "For The Fun
Page."
like to share. Hopefully this page will help to lift your spirits when you are
down and put a smile on your face when you are sad. If you have something
you would like to share in this page send it to First Speaker Crazy Coyote in
an email and I will get it posted. In the subject line please put "For The Fun
Page."
A husband and wife came for counseling after 20 years of marriage. When asked what the
problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had
ever had in the 20 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack
of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of
unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage. Finally, after allowing this
to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and,
after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband
watched with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a
daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least
three times a week. Can you do this?" The husband thought for a moment and replied,
"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish."
problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had
ever had in the 20 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack
of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of
unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage. Finally, after allowing this
to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and,
after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband
watched with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a
daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least
three times a week. Can you do this?" The husband thought for a moment and replied,
"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish."
| The Marriage Councilor |
A Kentucky State Trooper pulled a car over on I 64 about 2 miles west of the
Kentucky/West Virginia state line.
When the Trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a
magician and juggler and was on his way to Lexington to do a show at the Shrine Circus.
He didn't want to be late.
The Trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and asked if the driver would do
a little juggling for him then he wouldn't give him a ticket.
He told the Trooper he had sent his equipment ahead and didn't have anything to juggle.
The Trooper said he had some flares in the trunk and asked if he could juggle them. The
juggler said he could, so the Trooper got 3 flares, lit them and handed them to him.
While the man was juggling, a car pulled in behind the patrol car, a drunken good old boy
from West Virginia got out, watched the performance, then went over to the patrol car,
opened the rear door and got in.
The Trooper observed him and went over to the patrol car, opened the door asking the
drunk what he thought he was doing.
The drunk replied, "You might as well take me right on to jail, 'cause there's no way I can
pass that test."
Kentucky/West Virginia state line.
When the Trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a
magician and juggler and was on his way to Lexington to do a show at the Shrine Circus.
He didn't want to be late.
The Trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and asked if the driver would do
a little juggling for him then he wouldn't give him a ticket.
He told the Trooper he had sent his equipment ahead and didn't have anything to juggle.
The Trooper said he had some flares in the trunk and asked if he could juggle them. The
juggler said he could, so the Trooper got 3 flares, lit them and handed them to him.
While the man was juggling, a car pulled in behind the patrol car, a drunken good old boy
from West Virginia got out, watched the performance, then went over to the patrol car,
opened the rear door and got in.
The Trooper observed him and went over to the patrol car, opened the door asking the
drunk what he thought he was doing.
The drunk replied, "You might as well take me right on to jail, 'cause there's no way I can
pass that test."
| The State Trooper and The Drunk |
| Funny Songs |
| If My Nose Was Running Money - By Aaron Wilburn |
| Puttin' On The Dog - By Aaron Wilburn |
Aaron Wilburn is the son of one of the Wilburn Brothers of the Famous Wilburn
Brothers Gospel Singing Group.
Brothers Gospel Singing Group.
| Seeing Eye Dog? |
There were two buddies, one with a Doberman Pinscher and the other with a Chihuahua.
The guy with the Doberman says to his friend, "Let's go over to that restaurant and get
something to eat."
The guy with the Chihuahua says, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."
The buddy with the Doberman says, "Just follow my lead." They walk over to the
restaurant, the guy with the Doberman puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to
walk in.
The bouncer at the door says, "Sorry, Mac, no pets allowed." The man with the Doberman
says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."
The bouncer says, "A Doberman?"
He says, "Yes, they're using them now, they're very good.
The man at the door says, "Come on in."
The buddy with the Chihuahua figures, "What the heck," so he puts on a pair of dark
glasses and starts to walk in.
Once again the bouncer says, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed."
The guy with the Chihuahua says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."
The bouncer at the door says, "A Chihuahua?"
The man with the Chihuahua says, "A Chihuahua??? They gave me a Chihuahua?!"
The guy with the Doberman says to his friend, "Let's go over to that restaurant and get
something to eat."
The guy with the Chihuahua says, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."
The buddy with the Doberman says, "Just follow my lead." They walk over to the
restaurant, the guy with the Doberman puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to
walk in.
The bouncer at the door says, "Sorry, Mac, no pets allowed." The man with the Doberman
says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."
The bouncer says, "A Doberman?"
He says, "Yes, they're using them now, they're very good.
The man at the door says, "Come on in."
The buddy with the Chihuahua figures, "What the heck," so he puts on a pair of dark
glasses and starts to walk in.
Once again the bouncer says, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed."
The guy with the Chihuahua says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."
The bouncer at the door says, "A Chihuahua?"
The man with the Chihuahua says, "A Chihuahua??? They gave me a Chihuahua?!"
The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to see what
the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa.
He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family
dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he
screamed and fell over on the floor.
His wife thought he had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and
called an ambulance.
The attendants rushed in, would not listen to his protests, loaded him on the stretcher,
and started carrying him out.
About that time, the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical
Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when the man broke his
leg and why he is still in the hospital.
The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor who
volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and
began poking under the couch. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who
sat down on the sofa in relief. But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the
cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the
snake rushed back under the sofa.
The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her.
The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her
husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the
head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where
it needed stitches.
The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the
floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that the snake had bitten him. She
went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the
man's throat.
By now, the police had arrived.
Breathe here......
They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight
had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it
all happened over a little green snake The police called an ambulance, which took away
the neighbor and his sobbing wife.
Now, the little snake again crawled out from under the sofa and one of the policemen
drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The
table fell over, the lamp on it shattered and, as the bulb broke, it started a fire in the
drapes.
The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the
yard on top of the family dog that, startled, jumped out
and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into
the parked police car.
Meanwhile, neighbors saw the burning drapes and called in the fire department. The
firemen had started raising the fire ladder when they were
halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires, put out the
neighborhood power, and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area
(....but they did get the house fire out).
Time passed! Men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog
came home, the police acquired a new car and all was right with their world.
A while later they were watching TV and again, the weatherman announced a cold snap
for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants
for the night. And that's when he shot her.
And you thought you were having a bad day.
the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa.
He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family
dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he
screamed and fell over on the floor.
His wife thought he had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and
called an ambulance.
The attendants rushed in, would not listen to his protests, loaded him on the stretcher,
and started carrying him out.
About that time, the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical
Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when the man broke his
leg and why he is still in the hospital.
The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor who
volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and
began poking under the couch. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who
sat down on the sofa in relief. But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the
cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the
snake rushed back under the sofa.
The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her.
The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her
husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the
head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where
it needed stitches.
The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the
floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that the snake had bitten him. She
went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the
man's throat.
By now, the police had arrived.
Breathe here......
They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight
had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it
all happened over a little green snake The police called an ambulance, which took away
the neighbor and his sobbing wife.
Now, the little snake again crawled out from under the sofa and one of the policemen
drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The
table fell over, the lamp on it shattered and, as the bulb broke, it started a fire in the
drapes.
The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the
yard on top of the family dog that, startled, jumped out
and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into
the parked police car.
Meanwhile, neighbors saw the burning drapes and called in the fire department. The
firemen had started raising the fire ladder when they were
halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires, put out the
neighborhood power, and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area
(....but they did get the house fire out).
Time passed! Men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog
came home, the police acquired a new car and all was right with their world.
A while later they were watching TV and again, the weatherman announced a cold snap
for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants
for the night. And that's when he shot her.
And you thought you were having a bad day.
| Garden Grass Snakes |
Garden Grass Snakes also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis) can be
dangerous. Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. Here's why.
A couple in Sweetwater, Texas had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the
wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them
from a possible freeze.
It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants. When
it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go
under the sofa.
She let out a very loud scream.
dangerous. Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. Here's why.
A couple in Sweetwater, Texas had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the
wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them
from a possible freeze.
It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants. When
it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go
under the sofa.
She let out a very loud scream.
| The State Trooper and The Speeding Motorist |
An Illinois State Trooper patrolling Interstate I-80 clocked a motorist speeding and took
pursuit. Stopping the speeding motorist, the Trooper steps out of his patrol car, looks at
his watch and walks up to the drivers window. He tells the driver, "It is five minutes to five
sir, I get off at five. If you can give me one good reason why I should not give you a
speeding ticket, I will let you go."
The driver looks up at the Trooper and said, "Sir, three months ago my wife ran off with a
State Trooper, and I thought you were bringing her back!"
The Trooper replied, "Have a good day, sir." And walked back to his patrol car.
pursuit. Stopping the speeding motorist, the Trooper steps out of his patrol car, looks at
his watch and walks up to the drivers window. He tells the driver, "It is five minutes to five
sir, I get off at five. If you can give me one good reason why I should not give you a
speeding ticket, I will let you go."
The driver looks up at the Trooper and said, "Sir, three months ago my wife ran off with a
State Trooper, and I thought you were bringing her back!"
The Trooper replied, "Have a good day, sir." And walked back to his patrol car.
An elderly man in North Carolina had owned a large farm for several years. He had a
large pond in the back, fixed up really nice, along with some picnic tables, horseshoe
courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for
swimming when it was built.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for
a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. When he came
closer, he realized it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made
the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end to shield themselves.
One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
The old man frowned and replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim
naked or make you get out of the pond naked." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here
to feed the alligator."
large pond in the back, fixed up really nice, along with some picnic tables, horseshoe
courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for
swimming when it was built.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for
a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. When he came
closer, he realized it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made
the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end to shield themselves.
One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
The old man frowned and replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim
naked or make you get out of the pond naked." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here
to feed the alligator."
| The Farmer and The Skinnydippers |
